The ""chances grow smaller every year that you will die in childbirth"" is only one of many amusing reasons why people should look on the bright side of getting older in this amusing book about aging and the later years in one's life. Original. 60,000 first printing."

"A collection of comedic essays about the author's life as a reluctant adult"--

Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg’s wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying “yes” to everything—and everyone—and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment. Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: she spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she’d put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate. When she met a guy who didn’t fall for the emotionally cavalier facade she’d constructed (a guy who wanted marriage and monogamy), she knew it was time to reevaluate. From her first kiss to saying “I do,” Screw Everyone is an honest, hilarious chronicle of how one woman discovered herself, conquered her fears, and even found the “real thing”—one promiscuous encounter at a time.

While there are people who actually embrace getting older (although we confess not to know any) most try to deny it. Rita Rudner is no exception. When she reached 50, she couldn't even bear to admit it: "It was more comfortable getting a laugh and telling people I was filthy than having to say the word fffiffffty," she writes. In her hysterically dead-on book I Still Have It...I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It , she relates her absurd adventures as a woman of a certain age navigating the strange and terrifyingly funny world of "near-sighted insights." In chapters such as "Artificially Hip"; "Older Than Springtime, Younger Than Angela Lansbury"; "I Won't Blog, Don't Ask Me"; and "The Advantage of Vintage," Rudner tackles body issues, style, and technology, and looks at the wonders and surprises of life on the dark side of 50. So put on your bifocals and get ready to laugh. Just don't blame Rita if your laugh lines become visibly deeper. "Sexy deadpan is comedian Rita Rudner's trademark style, never more in evidence than in I Still Have It ... I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It ... Pure vaudeville, a kick at any age."-- O, The Oprah Magazine

In the tradition of the #1 best-seller SeinLanguage, Bantam Books proudly presents the first book by Paul Reiser, television's sharpest, funniest observer of love, marriage and other mysteries of life. A veteran comic performer, Reiser is best-known as the co-creator and star of the highly-rated NBC comedy, "Mad About You", which Time Magazine called "The season's best new sitcom" in its 1992 debut. Every Thursday night more than twenty million viewers watch as Paul Reiser reveals the most intimate and hilarious scenes of a marriage. Now for the first time, Reiser brings his trademark wit to the page in a book that will delight his eagerly-awaiting audience, and anyone else who has ever fallen in love -- or tried not to. In Couplehood, a New York Times bestseller for more than 40 weeks, Reiser reflects on what it means to be half of a couple -- everything from the science of hand holding, to the technique of tag-team storytelling, to the politics of food and why it always seems to come down to chicken or fish.

“From her head down to her gnarly (no longer!) toes, Kathie Lee is pure dame. And she’s served up a cocktail of wit and wisdom with a decidedly salty rim!”—Meredith Vieira Just When I Thought I’d Dropped My Last Egg is Kathie Lee Gifford’s triumphant laugh-out-loud celebration of forging ahead with gusto, even long after we’re old enough to know better. Age, after all, isn’t a number, it’s a state of mind, and being fertile isn’t just about having babies, it’s about being passionate and creative. Writing with the candor of a friend who knows where the bodies are buried, Kathie Lee reveals the truth every woman of a certain age knows but won’t admit: that we love our kids every second of every day but are counting the minutes till they’re ready to go off to college, that even though gravity is a constant force, not all parts of our bodies droop at the same rate, and that life and show business share one simple rule: “Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a man or a job.” Full of warmth, humor, and down-to-earth wisdom, this wonderful book is a delectable read for grown-ups of all ages. Praise for J ust When I Thought I’d Dropped My Last Egg “I’ve been through a couple of calamities with Kathie Lee and nobody handles them better. You could blow her up, cook her and hang her out to dry and she will still survive and have some laughs doing it.” —Regis Philbin “Kathie Lee has always entertained me with her humor, wry wit, and penchant for pinpointing all of our very human foibles with great accuracy and hilarity. Now she does it again. This charming memoir filled with amusing anecdotes about herself and her family, friends, and colleagues brought a smile to my face but also touched me. Her insight is as remarkable as she is.” —Barbara Taylor Bradford “Gifford dishes about everything.” —The Tampa Tribune “Fans will be delighted . . . by the book’s mix of earnest life lessons and self-conscious kookiness.” —Publishers Weekly “Outrageously funny . . . [Gifford’s] quirky sense of humor shines through.” —Wichita Falls Times Record News

Throughout her career, Judith Viorst has written numerous books reflecting on life as she ages. Now in her nineties, she shares her experiences in life's "final fifth" in this collection of poetry and essays. On her retirement community, she notes that it is "wonderful, marvelous, swell--good as gold. Except for this one little problem: everyone's old." On her late husband (who died of COVID-19 in 2022), she pleads: "I need you fixing our damn circuit breakers. I need you! Could you please stop being dead?" With humor and vulnerability, Viorst invites readers to dance with her between grief and levity and to enjoy the time we have left to share.

Joan Rivers shows every woman how to be the best she can be and stay youthful, healthy and mellow at any age. She offers advice on wardrobe, makeup, fitness, diet, surgery, sex, lifestyle, relationships, and everything in between that every woman needs.

Rare Book

One woman's misguided quest for love, sex, and as much airtime as possible Lisa G. baked cookies for men for all the wrong reasons, but she got it right in radio, eventually landing her dream job as a reporter on The Howard Stern Show. Recipe for Sex, Lies & Cookies 1 oz. dysfunctional Long Island Jewish childhood 3 tbsp. sheer determination 2 cups of double-Ds 1 spoonful of hip-hop A few pinches of sex and a dash of radio reporting Combine ingredients in a large bowl and mix well. Salt-n-Pepa to taste, and season with Flavor Flav. Yields: 1 unrated memoir 25+ delicious cookie recipes Lisa G.’s guide to planning the perfect cookie party

George Washington was said to be "First in War, First in Peace." In The Making of the President 1789, humorist Marvin Kitman argues that our first president was also the first American leader to ride his personal foibles to political greatness. Kitman lampoons the modern "campaign insider" books, asking: "How is it possible that a man with no military experience becomes a general? He loses more battles than he wins and becomes a war hero? He has absolutely no political opinions in the most sophisticated intellectual period of our history? He has no ambitions, and he wins?" Through careful research, Kitman exposes Washington's weaknesses for social climbing and high-stakes whist and his relationships with the Founding Girlfriends.

How to use your sense of humor for unlimited success, better health and staying sane when the world gets a little crazy. Larry Wilde, America's best-selling humorist, addresses the far-reaching impact of a humorous attitude on our well-being and the quality of our relationships with friends, loved ones and colleagues. Using simple, sensible strategies from Larry's critically acclaimed seminars, he helps us recover and nurture our own natural gift of good humor and incorporate this life-affirming miracle cure into our everyday lives. Larry's latest best-seller is an inspiring and entertaining resource on how to live life to its fullest. It not only offers the Five Secrets For Breaking The Stress Cycle, it also provides the vital Ten Commandments for Light-Hearted Living! "Alligators" is more than a must-read. It is a must-share.

Many people think they know who Ben Elton is – but does he? For the first – and only – time, Ben tackles this question head on in his frank, forthright and entertaining autobiography. Taking a deep dive into his life and times, both private and public, to reveal the true stories behind iconic hits such as The Young Ones , Blackadder and We Will Rock You , his pioneering routines hosting Saturday Live , which birthed a revolution in stand-up comedy, and so much more. Ben recounts his life and uniquely varied career from his Catford childhood and being the BBC’s youngest ever sit com writer at 21 right up to the present day, with yet another hit sit com, Upstart Crow; a surprise late-life BAFTA; and his most critically acclaimed stand-up comedy show to date. Alongside unique insights into his ground-breaking work, Ben talks honestly and hilariously about his personal and professional relationships with two generations of brilliant friends, inspiring contemporaries, occasional foes, and the times in which they all lived. And Ben’s life has been just as challenging, rewarding and funny off screen as it has been on. He unpacks it all with wit, insight and complete honesty. And of course, there’s a ‘little bit of politics’. After living sixty five years on the planet, forty-five of them in public, tickling many funny bones and getting on a respectable number of wicks, Ben has a lot of stories to tell, and he tells them unvarnished and uncensored – because that’s who he is.

"From the co-creator of the celebrated Big Book of Jewish Humor comes a laugh-out-loud collection of jokes about growing older that makes fun of memory loss, marriages, medicine, sex, the afterlife, and much more, making this the perfect gift for almost anyone who was born before you were. Growing older can be unsettling and surprising. (How on earth did this happen? Where did the years go?) So what better way to deal with this new stage of life than to laugh about your new reality? Die Laughing includes more than enough jokes (not to mention cartoons!) to let that laughter burst out. Whether it's dealing with doctors, dating in one's seventies, or unexpected bodily changes (not to mention funny noises), some things are easier to face with a smile of recognition. That's why Die Laughing is the perfect gift for your parents, anyone celebrating a significant birthday, or any boomer with a sense of humor whose age begins with a six or higher"--

Maynard writes about the struggles and joys of staying married and being a parent in a world more complicated than one most people imagine, a world in which everyday life is an adventure. A confirmation of the power of that mysterious and indestructible force known as maternal love.--People.

Whether you're a savvy mom of teens or a new mom trying to get baby to sleep, this book is for you. A must read for every mom who ever said: "Stop rocking on the chair!" Not your average poetry book, Ode to Chores is a clever and entertaining view of parenting, motherhood, children, pets, and the life and times of moms on call 24/7. ------------------ The Inspiration For This Book The whole thing started because I was lonely. I spent hours every day with my little kids, which I really loved for a while, but my husband was gone A LOT, and when he came home, he was all talked out. He just wanted to spend a little time with his two boys roughhousing and eating Oreo Thins. Plans with friends were few and far between because we were all busy shuffling kids to school and activities when we weren't working jobs, or doing house projects, or stumping for our chosen elected officials, or reconnecting with our significant others. In the meantime, exhausted at the end of every day, I still wanted to be an artist, a writer, and a musician. I'd been on stage for 25 years and suddenly the only singing I was doing was lullabies at 3 AM in a rocking chair trying to get my little muffin to sleep. . . just for a little while. . . sleep muffin, sleep. Somewhere along the way, I put down my pen and found myself deep in the stuff of kids. Then, one evening after an especially frustrating dinner with the boys, I sent everyone off to their rooms, flipped over an envelope lying in the mess on the dining room table, and wrote the poem Stop Rocking on the Chair. I was surprised at how satisfying it was to say it on the page. From there I started writing these "mom poems" all the time. As I did, I felt less and less alone. I was not only writing about my experience but a thread of experience that connected to moms all over the world and through time. The common language of motherhood reconnected me to my creativity and other people at the same time. I first thought I wrote this book for myself, but it turns out I wrote this book for you. I hope it brings you joy and even makes you cry. I hope it brings mothers together and inspires you to make some art and put it out into the world, so we can all have a moment of connection together. Call me. We'll have coffee. ------------------ About the Author Brenda Kahn is a poet, memoirist and an international recording artist who has shared the stage with Bob Dylan, David Byrne, and Jeff Buckley. She has expertise in changing both guitar strings and diapers. She is a writer of songs, poetry, memoir, and excuse notes for sick kids. She can paint and spackle like nobody's business and will also perform a cover of Bessie Smith's Ain't Nobody's Business if you request it at a live show. She lives in South Salem, NY with her husband and two boys, her golden retriever (Barley Patches), her two cats (Fluffy and Colby) and Ekko the crested gecko. Learn more about Bren at www.brendakahn.com Stay connected and support her work at www.BrendaKahn.com/Patreon

This volume is the author's take on the best-selling dating guide, The Rules. Chapter headings include Have Pets, When All Else Fails, Talk to God and Don't Clear the Table at a Dinner Party Unless the Men Get Up to Help Too.

Laugh Louder, Live Longer is a self-help book written by Harry Hershfield that explores the benefits of laughter and humor on our physical and mental well-being. The book is divided into three parts, each focusing on different aspects of laughter. In the first part, Hershfield discusses the science behind laughter and its positive effects on our body and mind. He explains how laughter can reduce stress, boost our immune system, and even alleviate pain. The second part of the book is dedicated to practical tips on how to incorporate more humor and laughter into our daily lives. Hershfield provides various exercises and techniques to help readers develop a more positive and humorous outlook on life. The final part of the book delves into the social benefits of laughter. Hershfield highlights the importance of laughter in building and maintaining relationships, and how it can help us connect with others on a deeper level. Overall, Laugh Louder, Live Longer is a comprehensive guide to the power of laughter and humor. It offers readers practical advice on how to incorporate more laughter into their lives, and highlights the numerous benefits that come with doing so.This scarce antiquarian book is a facsimile reprint of the old original and may contain some imperfections such as library marks and notations. Because we believe this work is culturally important, we have made it available as part of our commitment for protecting, preserving, and promoting the world's literature in affordable, high quality, modern editions, that are true to their original work.

Friends are great. They won't tell anyone that you color your hair, you always have someone to complain to, and a friendship is less likely to break up than a marriage. So say Lisa Birnbach, Ann Hodgman, and Patricia Marx. The trio has teamed up once again for the newest addition to the highly successful 1,003 series, 1,003 Great Things About Friends. This hilariously funny book includes tidbits such Her clothes are your clothes. In a real emergency, she'll lend you her spouse. Someone to stalk your ex for you. Someone to glop on your henna paste/hair color/sunless suntan lotion. Someone who pretends she doesn't notice your "Gucci" bag was manufactured in the Ivory Coast. At your wedding, your friend will talk to your great-uncle about his cataract operation so no one else has to. You can call a friend up on a Saturday night and ask her to the movies that very same night.