Kate welles doesn't want to be special. She just wants to play the lead in her school's christmas play. Her annoying \"Friend\" courtney is constantly getting in the way of that. Can you even call someone a \"Friend\" if all they do is make fun of you and ruin everything all of the time? But kate has to get along with courtney or else neither of them will be allowed to take part in the 12 screams of christmas. Kate and courtney's teacher decides they need to find a special place to rehearse. A certain house with a special history. The kind of place that kate would normally be pretty frightened to go into. The kind of place that gives new meaning to the term: christmas spirit.

On the heels of his very successful books, How to Ruin Your Life, How to Ruin Your Love Life, and How to Ruin Your Financial Life, Ben Stein, in collaboration with his pal Phil DeMuth, has tongue firmly in cheek once again as he comes up with surefire ways to ruin the greatest nation in the history of the human race. Try a few of these on for size: Trust the United Nations to protect us and our security. Make it unlawful to worship God or even to show images of the Ten Commandments. Convert our universities into fortresses of anti-Americanism, hatred of freedom, and centers of confusion and ignorance. Encourage contempt for the family and for the community. Allow Hollywood to brainwash us into believing that only suckers and criminals fight for their country. Treat the military, the police, firefighters, and teachers as losers and pay them starvation wages. Hey, does any of this sound familiar? Maybe that's because it's already happening! Ben and Phil give you all the information you'll ever need in order to successfully ruin the USA even further! Sardonic, humorous, but also angrily emphatic, this is a book every old-fashioned patriot really needs to read!

The hilarious and controversial host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher has written his funniest, most opinionated, and most necessary book ever—a brilliantly astute and acerbically funny vivisection of American life, politics, and culture. Some of the smartest commentary about what’s happening in America is coming from a comedian—this comedian being Bill Maher. If you want to understand what’s wrong with this country, it turns out that one of the best informed and most thought-provoking analysts is this very funny pothead. The book was inspired by the “editorial” Bill delivers at the end of each episode of Real Time. These editorials are direct-to-camera sermons about culture, politics, and what’s happening in the world. To put this book together, Maher reviewed more than a decade of his editorials, rewriting, reimagining, and updating them, and adding new material to speak exactly to the moment we’re in. Free speech, cops, drugs, race, religion, the generations, cancel culture, the parties, the media, show biz, romance, health—Maher covers it all. The result is a hugely entertaining work of commentary about American culture in the tradition of Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and H. L. Mencken.

What should Carly Beth be for Halloween this year? Terrified! Late at night, and ugly green mask is mysteriously calling out to her. If Carly Beth survives the night, even a scary theme park might sound like a vacation. Or maybe not! At Horrorland, every night is Halloween. And those monster masks? They aren't masks at all.

Political provocateur Bill Maher tells it like it is in a useful and hilarious guide for the many Americans who want to do more here at home to help the war effort, but are at a loss as to what. Thirty-three dynamic new posters and several classics from our government's archive accompanied by text from one of our leading pundits and cutting-edge comedians make this the perfect book for this time in our nation's history, the zeitgeist of post-9/11 America. This is the book that will help Americans make connections between what we do and how it can help (or hurt) our troops and us.

As one of the foremost liberal voices in television and radio today, Alan Colmes has long been braving the wilds of controversial issues and conservative slander. The host of the talk-radio show Fox News Live with Alan Colmes and cohost of Fox News Channel's hit debate show Hannity & Colmes, Colmes now offers this witty, passionate wake-up call to America. Colmes takes on the fundamental question: How can we protect our nation without diminishing our liberties, and regain our place in the world as an example of democracy? Colmes urges Americans to see past the government's manipulation of the War on Terror to silence critics; the lies we've been force-fed about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan; and the conservative smear campaign that has turned "liberal" into a four-letter word. From debunking the myth of the liberal media to exposing conservative hypocrisy, Colmes presents the issues with thoughtful, provocative arguments, hard facts and logic, and searing humor. Certain to spark debate and cause readers to reevaluate and reaffirm their beliefs, Red, White & Liberal powerfully argues that despite our differences, we must extend our hands across party lines to find solutions, protect our shores, and preserve our freedoms.

Dr. Bethesda Vernon, a 30ish year old college professor has lived half a life since the death of Enoch, her Marine Corps husband, in an auto accident in the backcountry of Westchester, NY. His death had devastated Beth. They were married for only four years. After two years of unspeakable grief and mourning, Beth buried herself in teaching her Marriage and Family Relations courses at Queens College. When she had time she traveled to far away places and also mourned Enoch there. One summer day while in Bermuda enjoying the sun, Cedric Philippe simply walked into her life. Cedric was Ambassador of Sierra Leone, West Africa to the United Nations. He called her MyBeth' the moment they met--now she belonged to someone again--Beth called him, Phillip' . Their affair began despite her knowing he was married and that his wife and two teenage sons lived in London. She was becoming the other woman'--a bittersweet role. One ordinary day, Beth wakes herself up from her foolishness and decides "...it is over." Then enters Dr. Jesse Butler, who joins the Queens College Family Science Department. Jesse and Beth marry after a two year courtship. Later, he accepts ''the call' to preach. Without warning old secrets' creep back into their lives--even the secrets of Jesse''s daughter, Lilliclaire, and Sara, Jesse

"Megan Amram, one of Forbes' "30 Under 30 in Hollywood & Entertainment," Rolling Stone's "25 Funniest People on Twitter," and a writer for NBC's hit show Parks and Recreation, delivers a politically, scientifically, and anatomically incorrect "textbook" that will have women screaming with laughter, and men dying to know what the noise is about. In the vein of faux expert books by John Hodgman and Amy Sedaris, Science...for Her! is ostensibly a book of science written by a denizen of women's magazines. Comedy writer and Twitter sensation Megan Amram showcases her fiendish wit with a pitch-perfect attack on everything from those insanely perky tips for self-improvement to our bizarre shopaholic dating culture to the socially mandated pursuit of mind-blowing sex to the cringe-worthy secret codes of food and body issues. Part hilarious farce, part biting gender commentary, Amram blends Cosmo and science to highlight absurdities with a machine-gun of laugh-inducing lines that leave nothing and no one unscathed. Subjects include: this Spring's ten most glamorous ways to die; tips for hosting your own big bang; what religion is right for your body type; and the most pressing issue facing women today: kale!!! Be prepared to laugh about anything in this outrageous satirical gem"--

D.L. Hughley calls it like he sees it, discussing everything from dating to former president Barack Obama with sharp, thoughtful commentary “The best book since The Hunger Games . First he was a King of Comedy; now he’s the king of comedy authors.”—Chris Rock The American dream is in dire need of a wake-up call. A f*cked up society is like an addict: if you are in denial, then things are going to keep getting worse until you hit bottom. According to D. L. Hughley, that's the direction in which America is headed. In I Want You to Shut the F*ck Up , D.L. explains how we've become a nation of fat sissies playing Chicken Little, but in reverse: The sky is falling, but we're supposed to act like everything's fine. D.L. just points out the sobering facts: there is no standard of living by which we are the best. In terms of life expectancy, we're 36th—tied with Cuba; in terms of literacy, we're 20th—behind Kazakhstan. Things are bad now and they're only going to get worse. Unless, of course, you sit down, shut the f*ck up, and listen to what D. L. Hughley has to say. I Want You to Shut the F*ck Up is a slap to the political senses, a much needed ass-kicking of the American sense of entitlement. In these pages , D. L. Hughley calls it like he sees it, offering his hilarious yet insightful thoughts on: • Our supposedly post-racial society • The similarities between America the superpower and the drunk idiot at the bar • Why apologizing is not the answer to controversy, especially when you meant what you said • Why civil rights leaders are largely to blame for black people not being represented on television • And more!

The United States has survived clueless presidential administrations before. But no matter how enormous the crisis -- the Great Depression, Vietnam, Watergate, Monica Lewinsky's thong -- America's always come out looking like, well, America. This time, however, something's different. Things aren't just screwed up; they're f&# $d up beyond all recognition. Wel-come to F.U.B.A.R., a hilarious and scathing satire of the American Right's bad behavior, by the creators of Air America's Majority Report. If you're a liberal who's somehow not panicked over the state of our Union, or if you're a Republican who's just having voter's remorse, or if you think what's happening to the country is just politics as usual, F.U.B.A.R. will open your eyes to our current national nightmare. With completely unfair and unbalanced analysis, authors Sam Seder and Stephen Sherrill take readers on a whirlwind tour of what's left of the United States, exposing the truth about the Right's blueprint for total domination -- over your money, your mind, your sex life, and even your place in the afterlife (yes, they have a plan for that, too). Along the way, they'll answer your most pressing questions, like: I'm gay. Can I still be a Republican? Do I need to own my own congressman, or is a time share okay? Is New York Times columnist Thomas L. Friedman's mustache, in fact, the sign of the Beast? I thought we ran the media. What happened? Finally, Seder and Sherrill offer a helpful and hopeful vision for a future that remarkably doesn't look like a cross between the Matrix and Mayberry. F.U.B.A.R. is the wake-up call America has been waiting to receive -- and it will probably be wiretapped.

"I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about." This one-of-a-kind collectible for fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer features a molded 2" x 3" replica of the Slayer Handbook, Vampyr, that opens to play 10 memorable lines from the show. Featuring quotes from Buffy, Angel, Giles, Willow, and Xander (among them, "That'll put the marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo" and "Sorry to barge in, I'm afraid we have a slight . . . apocalypse"), it's the perfect way to commemorate this beloved cast of characters. The kit also comes with a 48-page mini book on Buffy history that features additional quotes and full-color photographs from the show.

The ""chances grow smaller every year that you will die in childbirth"" is only one of many amusing reasons why people should look on the bright side of getting older in this amusing book about aging and the later years in one's life. Original. 60,000 first printing."

A delightful collection from legendary character actor Stephen Tobolowsky—who currently appears on The Goldbergs , HBO’s Silicon Valley , and the serial podcast The Tobolowsky Files — “a series of true stories that wrestle with a big idea: how belief shapes our lives. Funny, smart, and moving, this is a wonderful account of our relationship with the unknowable” (Susan Orlean, New York Times bestselling author of The Orchid Thief and Rin Tin Tin ). In My Adventures with God , Stephen Tobolowsky explores the idea that most people’s lives seem to fit into the template of the Old Testament. We all have powerful creation myths: tales of our childhood and family, our first battles won and lost. It is our Genesis. Then, like in the Book of Exodus , we go into slavery. Rather than building pyramids, we lose ourselves in fear and ambition—in first loves, first jobs, too many dreams mixed with too much beer. We eventually become free, only to wander in the wilderness. At some point we stop and proclaim to the universe who we are. This is our Leviticus moment. We reconcile what we thought we would be with what we have become. We often attempt a mid-course correction. Then, as in the Book of Numbers, we are shaped by mortality as we bear the loss of family and friends. Finally, we retell our stories to our children hoping to make sense of the journey, like Moses did in Deuteronomy. Tobolowsky’s stories tell of a boy growing up in the wilds of Texas, finding and losing love, losing and finding himself—all told through the prism of the Torah and Talmud, mixed with insights from science, and refined through a child’s sense of wonder. My Adventures with God is a “fast-paced, precise, wide-ranging, and impressive book draws on the I Ching, Talmud, Einstein, Grimms’ Fairy Tales , and reruns of SportsCenter to create counterpoints when discussing his life of faith. This is a well-told, must-read…for anyone interested in a comedic adventure with the divine” ( Publishers Weekly ).

"With signature "sharp wit" (NPR), Annabelle Gurwitch gives irreverent and empathetic voice to a generation hurtling into their next chapter with no safety net and proving that our no-frills new normal doesn't mean a deficit of humor. In these essays, Gurwitch embraces homesharing, welcoming a housing-insecure young couple and a bunny rabbit into her home. The mother of a college student in recovery who sheds the gender binary, she relearns to parent, one pronoun at a time. She wades into the dating pool with a reupholstered vagina and flunks the magic of tidying up. You're Leaving When? is for anybody who thought they had a semblance of security but wound up with a fragile economy and a blankie. "What do we do when we've already reinvented in midlife?" Gurwitch offers stories of resilience, adaptability, low-rent redemption, and the kindness of strangers. Even in a Zoom"--

Comedy is full of famously funny Jews, from Groucho Marx to Larry David to Sarah Silverman. This smart and funny book includes tales from many of these much-loved comics, and will appeal to their broad audience, while revealing the history, context, and wider culture of Jewish joking.The Jewish joke is as old as Abraham, and like the Jews themselves it has wandered over the world, learned countless new languages, worked with a range of different materials, been performed in front of some pretty hostile crowds, and yet still retained its own distinctive identity. So what is it that animates the Jewish joke? Why are Jews so often thought of as "funny"? And how old can a joke get?With jokes from Lena Dunham to Woody Allen, as well as Freud and Marx (Groucho, mostly), Baum balances serious research with light-hearted humor and provides fascinating insight into this wellknown and much loved cultural phenomenon.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the real national zoo! As Aristotle said, "Man is a political animal." Talk radio sensation and New York Times best-selling author Michael Savage is afraid that the ancient philosopher was all too right, and in ways he never could have imagined. In Savage's funniest, most biting book yet, the nation's fiercest independent thinker invites you to take a riotous tour through The Political Zoo--an outrageous look at today's most prominent politicos and pundits as the reptiles, rats, and birds of prey they most resemble. Animal by animal and cage by cage, Savage brandishes his irreverent wit to keep these beasts in check. Serving as resident biologist and zookeeper, Dr. Savage asks that you watch your step when approaching the widemouth copperhead Ted Turner (also known as Mouthus desouthus), do not feed the ego of stuffed turkey Alec Baldwin (Notalentus anti-americanus), and please keep your children with you at all times around wolf boy Bill Clinton (Fondlem undgropeum). "The world of politics is filled with uncivilized, snarling, rapacious beasts that, like untrained mutts, raise their legs and urinate on everything we hold dear," says Savage. And this sensational book is your guide for navigating the jungle of today's animal-political kingdom.

“From her head down to her gnarly (no longer!) toes, Kathie Lee is pure dame. And she’s served up a cocktail of wit and wisdom with a decidedly salty rim!”—Meredith Vieira Just When I Thought I’d Dropped My Last Egg is Kathie Lee Gifford’s triumphant laugh-out-loud celebration of forging ahead with gusto, even long after we’re old enough to know better. Age, after all, isn’t a number, it’s a state of mind, and being fertile isn’t just about having babies, it’s about being passionate and creative. Writing with the candor of a friend who knows where the bodies are buried, Kathie Lee reveals the truth every woman of a certain age knows but won’t admit: that we love our kids every second of every day but are counting the minutes till they’re ready to go off to college, that even though gravity is a constant force, not all parts of our bodies droop at the same rate, and that life and show business share one simple rule: “Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a man or a job.” Full of warmth, humor, and down-to-earth wisdom, this wonderful book is a delectable read for grown-ups of all ages. Praise for J ust When I Thought I’d Dropped My Last Egg “I’ve been through a couple of calamities with Kathie Lee and nobody handles them better. You could blow her up, cook her and hang her out to dry and she will still survive and have some laughs doing it.” —Regis Philbin “Kathie Lee has always entertained me with her humor, wry wit, and penchant for pinpointing all of our very human foibles with great accuracy and hilarity. Now she does it again. This charming memoir filled with amusing anecdotes about herself and her family, friends, and colleagues brought a smile to my face but also touched me. Her insight is as remarkable as she is.” —Barbara Taylor Bradford “Gifford dishes about everything.” —The Tampa Tribune “Fans will be delighted . . . by the book’s mix of earnest life lessons and self-conscious kookiness.” —Publishers Weekly “Outrageously funny . . . [Gifford’s] quirky sense of humor shines through.” —Wichita Falls Times Record News

In the tradition of the #1 best-seller SeinLanguage, Bantam Books proudly presents the first book by Paul Reiser, television's sharpest, funniest observer of love, marriage and other mysteries of life. A veteran comic performer, Reiser is best-known as the co-creator and star of the highly-rated NBC comedy, "Mad About You", which Time Magazine called "The season's best new sitcom" in its 1992 debut. Every Thursday night more than twenty million viewers watch as Paul Reiser reveals the most intimate and hilarious scenes of a marriage. Now for the first time, Reiser brings his trademark wit to the page in a book that will delight his eagerly-awaiting audience, and anyone else who has ever fallen in love -- or tried not to. In Couplehood, a New York Times bestseller for more than 40 weeks, Reiser reflects on what it means to be half of a couple -- everything from the science of hand holding, to the technique of tag-team storytelling, to the politics of food and why it always seems to come down to chicken or fish.

A definitive book about the fight for free speech and how one man stood firm against an entire government to free his name from a list of murderers and terrorists -Book Jacket