DuckBob Spinowitz has a problem. It isn't the fact that he has the head of a duck-the abduction was years ago and he's learned to live with it. But now those same aliens are back, and they claim they need his help! Apparently creatures from another reality are invading the universe, and only DuckBob can reset the device that maintains the barrier between dimensions. He reluctantly agrees to help, but how can a man whose only talents are bird calls and bad jokes, and whose only work experience is punching random buttons on a computer in a standard cubicle, be expected to save the universe? No Small Bills is the hilarious new science fiction novel from award-winning, bestselling author Aaron Rosenberg, who has written books for Eureka, Star Trek, WarCraft, and many others, and is also the author of the rousing Dread Remora space-opera series for Crossroad Press.

So you've got these fond hopes for blissful love, professional glory, fame, and fortune. But in the back of your mind there's that nagging fear. The man of your dreams will laugh in your face. Your hated office rival will come up with some whizbang marketing idea and get promoted, while you'll be asked to "help out with the phones." Steven Spielberg will buy the rights to your screenplay, spend $40 million producing it, and the critics will savage the film, mercilessly singling out your work for especially contemptuous, poisonous derision. But hey, everybody fails sometime. It's inevitable. So don't fear failure. Embrace it. In Complete And Utter Failure, Neil Steinberg joyfully explores the many fascinating facets of failure, from pointless failure (a brief history of several very dumb attempts to climb Mount Everest) to product failure (Reddi-Bacon, smokeless cigarettes, and Baby Jesus dolls) to institutionalized failure (the horrifying Dickensian spectacle of the National Spelling Bee, in which 8,999,999 children out of 9,000,000 fail in an excruciatingly public and humiliating fashion). This delightful book is filled with surprising and useless arcana--who really invented the telephone, what turned on Isaac Newton--guaranteed to help you annoy people at cocktail parties. Along the way Steinberg meditates on his own myriad miscues and disappointments, beginning with his failure to perform a magic trick in front of the neighborhood kids at age four (he blames Captain Kangaroo). Complete And Utter Failure is a wonderfully literate, witty book that issues a ringing message for our times: If at first you don't succeed, have a scotch and forget about it.

In this sequel to the hilarious science fiction novel No Small Bills, the aptly named DuckBob Spinowitz is settling into his new job as Guardian of the Matrix and his new friendship with the Man in Black he dubbed Tall. But when a gift/bribe from Tall has an unexpected effect on the dour government agent, it's up to DuckBob to figure out what's going on and save his friend-and possibly the entire human race! Again! And all without leaving his couch!

Bob Spinowitz was an average guy--until aliens abducted him and gave him the head of a duck. Then they asked "DuckBob" to save the universe, since their modifications meant he could. Talk about a backhanded compliment! Amazingly, though, DuckBob did it. And thus became Guardian of the Matrix, which protects the cosmos from further invasion--as long as he's plugged in. Literally.But alien techie pal Ned just made the Matrix User Interface wireless. Suddenly, DuckBob is free again--the whole universe is at his alien-altered, webbed feet! Only problem is, could being unplugged mean he's out of a job?As a pick-me-up, Ned takes DuckBob to his homeworld--which looks just like Brooklyn. Odd changes are afoot, there, however--ones with potentially cosmic repercussions. Soon DuckBob finds himself struggling to stay alive. And to find lunch, which is equally important.Can DuckBob conquer his doubt, rein in his freedom, and help save Ned's world? Or will our avian-esque hero's first unrestricted flight be the last--not just for him but for us all?

MR3971XJKA-also known as Mary-is the Grays' scout, liaison, diplomat, and translator. Along with her boyfriend DuckBob and their friends Tall and Ned she has saved the universe from invasion by beings from another reality. Twice.DuckBob loves her and trusts her without question. Still, he doesn't actually know anything about her past. Which is why, when Mary asks him to accompany her to her college reunion, he jumps at the chance.That tense reunion is interrupted by a distress call-from the Grays themselves. It seems the invaders are back, and this time they're determined to finish the job.Mary and DuckBob quickly find themselves overwhelmed. To pull this one off, they're going to need help. A lot of it.Can they get their disparate allies to work together, though? Or will rivalries, dissension, and distrust do the invaders' work for them, once and for all?

If you can spare the time to drive sixty miles into the backwoods of eastern Pennsylvania, crouch down in a bed of poison ivy, and peer through the sumacs, you will be rewarded by an interesting sight. What you will see is a middle-aged city dweller, as lean and bronzed as a shad's belly (I keep a shad's belly hanging up in the barn for purposes of comparison), gnawing his fingernails and wondering how to abandon a farm. Thus begins Acres and Pains , S.J. Perelman's unique testament to the joys and tribulations of country living. Acres and Pains describes the purchase and transformation of the Perelman property, Rising Gorge, as our hero transforms himself from city lazybones to country squire. Eudora Welty called S.J. Perelman "a National Treasure."

In The Last Temptation of Max Gold, it's god who visits Earth. Over the course of 4 days and 4 nights, god challenges and tempts Max Gold's resoluteness. With the aid of a few cases of Corona and a carton of cigarettes, Max Gold supports and defends the logic imparted to him from Satan. Upon realizing his futility, god vanishes and humanity's salvation finally becomes a possibility.

This is the first in a series of books compiling my short stories I've written over the past twelve or more years. I am a book ghost writer and editor of long standing, and these stories reflect a variety of different genres, including fiction and nonfiction, where I wrote either for practice or in order to improve my writing. Original, suspenseful tales; gripping, humorous, including horror, science fiction, narrative nonfiction, and a host of other topics as perceptively descriptive stories, which should help you perceive the Universe in a whole new intrinsically original and realistic light.

At first glance, this book appears to be a light-hearted book of humour and cartoons. Certainly it is, but, it is more than that. Many of the pieces deal with philosophy, ethics, metaphysics, science, psychotherapy, astrophysics, health, love, and the human condition.