Welcome to Chelsea Handler's world—a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense. When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, when considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin , deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

One woman's misguided quest for love, sex, and as much airtime as possible Lisa G. baked cookies for men for all the wrong reasons, but she got it right in radio, eventually landing her dream job as a reporter on The Howard Stern Show. Recipe for Sex, Lies & Cookies 1 oz. dysfunctional Long Island Jewish childhood 3 tbsp. sheer determination 2 cups of double-Ds 1 spoonful of hip-hop A few pinches of sex and a dash of radio reporting Combine ingredients in a large bowl and mix well. Salt-n-Pepa to taste, and season with Flavor Flav. Yields: 1 unrated memoir 25+ delicious cookie recipes Lisa G.’s guide to planning the perfect cookie party