Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches, a New York Times bestselling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up. “As the parent of a middle schooler, I felt as if Judith Warner had peered into my life—and the lives of many of my patients. This is a gift to our kids and their future selves.”—Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone The French have a name for the uniquely hellish years between elementary school and high school: l’âge ingrat, or “the ugly age.” Characterized by a perfect storm of developmental changes—physical, psychological, and social—the middle school years are a time of great distress for children and parents alike, marked by hurt, isolation, exclusion, competition, anxiety, and often outright cruelty. Some of this is inevitable; there are intrinsic challenges to early adolescence. But these years are harder than they need to be, and Judith Warner believes that adults are complicit. With deep insight and compassion, Warner walks us through a new understanding of the role that middle school plays in all our lives. She argues that today’s helicopter parents are overly concerned with status and achievement—in some ways a residual effect of their own middle school experiences—and that this worsens the self-consciousness, self-absorption, and social “sorting” so typical of early adolescence. Tracing a century of research on middle childhood and bringing together the voices of social scientists, psychologists, educators, and parents, Warner’s book shows how adults can be moral role models for children, making them more empathetic, caring, and resilient. She encourages us to start treating middle schoolers as the complex people they are, holding them to high standards of kindness, and helping them see one another as more than “jocks and mean girls, nerds and sluts.” Part cultural critique and part call to action, this essential book unpacks one of life’s most formative periods and shows how we can help our children not only survive it but thrive.

This book, based on Adlerian psychology, applies the techniques of motivation modification to realistic classroom problems, dealing step-by-step with handling behavior difficulties and providing the background that enables student teachers to understand the group dynamics of various classroom situations. The book is divided into five parts with 30 chapters. Part 1, "Theoretical Premises," includes (1) "Development of the Child's Potential," (2) "Goal Directed Behavior," (3) "The Four Mistaken Goals," (4) "Private Logic: A Diagnostic Technique for Understanding Behavior," (5) "Changing the Child's Goals," (6) "The Family Atmosphere," and (7) "The Family Constellation." Part 2, "Effective Democratic Methods," includes (8) "The Democratic Versus the Traditional Classroom," (9)"Discipline and Order," (10) "Winning Over the Child," (11) "Encouragement," (12) "Logical Consequences Versus Arbitrary Punishment," (13) "The Structure of the Group," (14) "Group Discussions in the Classroom," (15) "Specific Techniques: Group Discussions," and (16) "Training Children to Understand Behavior Through the Use of Stories." Part 3, "Coping with Special Academic Problems," includes (17) "Learning Disabilities," (18) "Reading Difficulties," (19) "Culturally Deprived Children," (20) "Pseudoretardation Referred to as Stupidity," (21) "Gifted Children and Homogeneous Grouping," and (22) "I.Q. Tests." Part 4, "Coping with Special Behavior Problems," includes (23) "The Adolescent," (24) "Juvenile Delinquency," (25) "Stealing," (26) "Lying and Swearing," and (27) "Fighting." Part 5,"Parental Involvement," includes (28) "Parent-Teacher Conferences," (29) "The Family Council," and (30) "Parent Education." (SM)