Welcome to Chelsea Handler's world—a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense. When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, when considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin , deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

From world-famous tough guy and New York Times bestselling author Steve Schirripa—a winning mix of wisecracks and wise words on the hardest job of all: being a father. What happens when a world-famous tough guy takes on the toughest job of all— becoming a father? Welcome to the world of the Big Daddy. Steve Schirripa is known for his star turns on The Sopranos and The Secret Life of the American Teenager, but in his own life he’s the father of two daughters of his own—and a self-confessed human volcano. In Big Daddy’s Rules, Schirripa tells all and brings a welcome dose of old-school advice (and new-school humor) to the parenting wars. “You’re not there to be a friend,” Schirripa says bluntly. “You’re there to be a dad.” Schirripa serves up the heartwarming and hilarious stories of how he and his wife navigated the wild waters of parenthood: from the moment the tough guy’s heart melted when he held his first-born in his arms to what he felt (and did) the time he caught someone looking at his teenage daughter’s butt. He lays out all the rules for being a Big Daddy— someone who is strong, devoted, and always looking out for his kids’ best interests, even when that means not being the coolest dad on the block. Overprotective? Maybe. Willing to tone it down? Absolutely not. Big Daddy’s Rules is filled with tales of his over-the-top yet heartfelt parenting style—confronting bad teachers, staring down boyfriends, and explaining just how crazy you’re allowed to get if you catch your kid drinking (hint: really, really crazy). With a mixture of street-smart bravado and selfeffacing humor, Schirripa pulls no punches as he delivers his no-bull stance on what it takes to raise kids today. He’s uproariously funny, but Schirripa isn’t just cracking jokes here; this is also a call to action for dads to return to common-sense parenting and reclaim their role as protector and holder of values to be passed down.

Move over Miss Lonelyhearts . . . Steven R. Schirripa, author of the runaway bestseller "A Goomba's Guide to Life, is back with more life lessons from the neighborhood. Recalling stories of his own colorful journey from the streets of Bensonhurst to the bright lights of Las Vegas and stardom as Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri in the HBO hit series "The Sopranos, Schirripa observes the finer points of amore in all its forms--love for his mother and her Sunday sauce, his wife and kids, his friends, his goomar on the side, even for his car (and he better not catch you eating in it, if you know what's good for you). Alternately touching, telling, and laugh-out-loud funny, "The Goomba's Book of Love proves that no one loves as fiercely (or as frequently) as a goomba.

Good love relationship isn't really that important. In fact, it uses up a lot of time you could spend thinking about yourself . . . and doing things all alone or with your drunken, loser friends. That's why Ben Stein has written How to Ruin Your Love Life. Following up on the wild success of his pioneering ''do-the-opposite-of-what-I-say''self-help book, How to Ruin Your Life, he now brings you, in 35 easy to follow steps, ways to definitively and absolutely . . . ruin your love life. Learn from this book and for heaven's sake, do the opposite right now.

In this witty novel--originally published as Whatever Makes You Happy --that inspired Netflix's major motion picture Otherhood , three mothers try to save their grown sons from themselves. Gillian, Helen, and Carol are three suburban mothers who have known each other since their respective sons were babies, and have met in a regular coffee group for years. These days, their sons are a bunch of thirty-four-year-old slackers: they have no wives and no children, never call, and seem unlikely to outgrow their post-adolescent lifestyles anytime soon. After yet another fruitless Mother's Day, Carol has an outlandish but irresistible idea: each woman will go drop in on her son for an unexpected weeklong visit and find out what's really keeping him from responsible adult life. Together, and with mixed success, the mothers set out to whip their sons into shape. Laugh-out-loud funny and remarkably insightful about family life, Otherhood will appeal to parents who yearn for a closer relationship with their adult children, and for the younger generation who seem to want the opposite, but will never quite relinquish the hope that their parents will swoop in and make everything better.

The ""chances grow smaller every year that you will die in childbirth"" is only one of many amusing reasons why people should look on the bright side of getting older in this amusing book about aging and the later years in one's life. Original. 60,000 first printing."

In the tradition of the #1 best-seller SeinLanguage, Bantam Books proudly presents the first book by Paul Reiser, television's sharpest, funniest observer of love, marriage and other mysteries of life. A veteran comic performer, Reiser is best-known as the co-creator and star of the highly-rated NBC comedy, "Mad About You", which Time Magazine called "The season's best new sitcom" in its 1992 debut. Every Thursday night more than twenty million viewers watch as Paul Reiser reveals the most intimate and hilarious scenes of a marriage. Now for the first time, Reiser brings his trademark wit to the page in a book that will delight his eagerly-awaiting audience, and anyone else who has ever fallen in love -- or tried not to. In Couplehood, a New York Times bestseller for more than 40 weeks, Reiser reflects on what it means to be half of a couple -- everything from the science of hand holding, to the technique of tag-team storytelling, to the politics of food and why it always seems to come down to chicken or fish.

One woman's misguided quest for love, sex, and as much airtime as possible Lisa G. baked cookies for men for all the wrong reasons, but she got it right in radio, eventually landing her dream job as a reporter on The Howard Stern Show. Recipe for Sex, Lies & Cookies 1 oz. dysfunctional Long Island Jewish childhood 3 tbsp. sheer determination 2 cups of double-Ds 1 spoonful of hip-hop A few pinches of sex and a dash of radio reporting Combine ingredients in a large bowl and mix well. Salt-n-Pepa to taste, and season with Flavor Flav. Yields: 1 unrated memoir 25+ delicious cookie recipes Lisa G.’s guide to planning the perfect cookie party

Friends are great. They won't tell anyone that you color your hair, you always have someone to complain to, and a friendship is less likely to break up than a marriage. So say Lisa Birnbach, Ann Hodgman, and Patricia Marx. The trio has teamed up once again for the newest addition to the highly successful 1,003 series, 1,003 Great Things About Friends. This hilariously funny book includes tidbits such Her clothes are your clothes. In a real emergency, she'll lend you her spouse. Someone to stalk your ex for you. Someone to glop on your henna paste/hair color/sunless suntan lotion. Someone who pretends she doesn't notice your "Gucci" bag was manufactured in the Ivory Coast. At your wedding, your friend will talk to your great-uncle about his cataract operation so no one else has to. You can call a friend up on a Saturday night and ask her to the movies that very same night.